OMG!!! I am so stressed! Let me tell you.......I got into it with my Momma earlier. She is still pissed off about the cat litter box being moved and me moving her cat bowls. She is also saying that someone stole $30.00 from her room. I would like to say that I don't know anyone that would do that.......but, the truth is I can't say that. I can say that I don't think that anyone I kno is stupid enough to steal from my house. She is pissed bc she says that I don't care....the truth is that I do care, I just can't do anything about it. She has no proof that it was stolen. She may have misplaced it for all I know. I can't go around accusing people of stealing with no proof.
She is asking me if I want her to move and I have told her that I don't, but I think she will move soon. Probably in with my sister. Even if I dont' agree with her all the time, I still love her. She's my momma.
IT is an idiot! He has moved his dang Momma and Daddy into a camper outside my back door....or they will be this weekend. He knows how I feel about his parents living with us after what happened last time....Long story short...it ended with his Momma slapping me (in front of my kids) and me telling her to get the hell out of my house. He took her side....he thought that I was wrong for wanting her to leave. She is a liar and she is manipulative. She can't stand someone else being the center of attention....she is also a hypochondriac.
The point is that I am miserable! IT says that he's not working nights and weekends...maybe nights, but absolutely no weekends. But, it's ok for me to work days, nights, and weekends. When I am rid of him, I don't even want another man. He has ruined me for other men. I would rather be by myself. It's not like sex is important to me anyway....I couldn't tell you the last time I has a big "O". He could care less...as long as he gets his. I'm not saying that I think that all men are like that...I would just rather not take the time to find out.
I am more determined than ever to start my weight watchers back. When I finally get a divorce, I want to be skinnier. Not so that I can find another man, but so that I can be healthier for my kids. I know that he loves our kids, but let's be honest. When it comes to their future, I'm all they've got. I owe it to them to take better care of myself and to get through school....somehow. It will probably take me 10 more years, but at least I will be able to tell my kids that I didn't quit.
I am so depressed right now. I hate myself. I can't even bring myself to put on my makeup....I figure...what's the point? I have to wear my glasses....which make me look really bad....and I am fat....really fat. And, that is my fault. I know that and I accept responsibility for it. I lost 20 lbs when I was on weight watchers and I felt the best I have felt about myself in a really long time....then I went off of it and started eating choc chip cookies and milk for supper.....(I eat when I'm depressed)....I am really disappointed in myself for that and I am determined to start again. I watched "How to look good naked with Carson Kressley" and I can't imagine myself being confident in my body the way it is now. I would give anything to go on Extreme Makeover....I would get plastic surgery tomorrow if I could.
Enough whining for now.....
AJ
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