Life sucks!

I know that I haven't posted in a while. I've been extremely busy!!! I work 42.5 hrs a week at a wrecker service in the office. I take online classes and have had tests. I had the flu for a week and am still getting over it. I am looking for a 2nd job and......(deep breath)...IT still has'nt found a job....oh wait, I forgot....you actually have to look for a job to find one.

He sits at home, sleeps late a lot, stays up all night, watches tv (usually the hunting channel), straightens the living room and kitchen sometimes (mainly when he's sucking up or someone's coming over), and then he wants a cardboard cookie....Oh yeah, he somehow finds time in his busy schedule to spend money that we don't have so that we will have even less left for bills.

He doesn't understand why I'm so ticked! He says that it's not his fault that he can't find a job....if I find him a job that he qualifies for, he will apply for it.....I say that I shouldn't be the one looking for him a job. He shouldn't have quit his job knowing that he didn't have another one lined up. We have NO money!!

If I work every hour that I'm scheduled (which almost never happens...there's always something..me sick, kids sick, you get the point....), I only make $1,000.00 a month. Our rent by itself is $900.00. He could care less. Our total household bills are over $2,000.00 a month! We can't buy our kids Halloween costumes, we have no money for Christmas, and we have no money for the birthday parties coming up in Jan, Feb, and Mar. He said that the reason he wouldn't go back to his old job is that he didn't want to work nights and weekends, but it's ok for me to work full time M-F daytime and get a 2nd job working nights and weekends....How does that make sense? There's more, but I'm getting pissed just writing this! I'm way beyond "ticked".

I feel like I'm losing my mind. I feel broken. I feel defeated. I feel lost. Oh yeah....btw, my momma is moving in this weekend. Not bc I love her so much and want to spend more time with her...(which I do...), but bc we need the extra income. So, wer'e going form a 4 bedroom where our kids finally have their own space...to our girls sharing a room....again. Yet another promise to them that has been broken. Even with the rent that she will be paying....we are still a minimum of $500.00 short a month. The best part is that he says that everything is my fault...EVERYTHING. He doesn't take fault for anything wrong in our marriage.money, sex, fussing....nada.

I will try to post more regularly, but.........we'll see.

P.S. I have decided to try Weight Watchers again starting November 1. When I am finlly alone, I dont' want to look and feel like a fat cow. And, I dont' want to get out of breath playing football with my son or cheering with my daughters. I owe it to them... Plus, who am I kidding? I want to be the MILF when they're older....LOL (it's either laugh or cry).

AJ