I went out with one of my best friends 2 sat ago....July 26....we went dancing. Of course, I didn't dance. I don't dance...ever. I have absolutely no rhythm on the dance floor. lol.... I had a really good time on the way home.
Last Wed ( I think), I came to my new apt and cleaned. I had a really nice time.
Oh...that brings me to my next big news! I got an apt and moved with just my kids. IT didn't move with me! I still have to go to the old house on Fri and Sat to clean and move the last little bit, but......YEAH!!! I got my own place! It's a very small 1 bedroom apt...it's transitional housing for single moms....but, it's mine and he's not allowed over here!
Later,
AJ
Thursday, August 7, 2008
Monday, July 14, 2008
Quick update!
I went to one of my best friends house on Thurs night. It was awesome! I had a really good time. We talked and watched the Nanny Diaries. Also, she cooked for me.....kind of like french toast....it was yummy!
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
We watched the Green Mile
I went to my best friends house last night. We watched the Green Mile and started watching a comedy with Eddie Murphy and Dan Ackroid (I prob spelled that wrong)....but we got distracted. We talked all night. It was a great stress reliever!
I am now more confused than ever. I know what I want but don't know exactly how to get there or if I even have a chance of getting what I want. This is a very frustrating time in my life!!!
I'll post more later about what I really want.
Later,
AJ
I am now more confused than ever. I know what I want but don't know exactly how to get there or if I even have a chance of getting what I want. This is a very frustrating time in my life!!!
I'll post more later about what I really want.
Later,
AJ
My birthday night
I went to my best friend's house the night of my birthday. It was uneventful. She had a toothache so we didn't talk much....but we talked some.
Monday, June 16, 2008
We watched the Shawshank Redemption on Wednesday, June 11 til wee hrs on June 12.
So....today is my birthday....yesterday was Father's Day and Mine and IT's anniversary....yea....13 yrs of being together....see my excitement? I am still unsure of my plans for tonight.....I want to go "out", but I don't know if that will be possible yet.... We will see..if not, oh well...stuff happens.
T called at 5:30 this morning and woke me up....Technically, IT told me Happy Bday first bc he mumbled it when the phone woke him up....but, then T told me. Then everybody else called me....MawMaw, my sister, my uncle and daddy, my friend, you get the point.....not much to tell today...just feeling blah....I've been sick all morning and now I'm at work....yeah.....Princess wants to cook me supper today...I'm curious what she's gonna come up with.
I think IT had an ok Father's Day....I worked until 4:something....then I had to go to Wal-Mart. Princess wanted to cook supper for him. (He got pissy when we went to get his present at Wal-Mart the night before.) Princess picked out pics of all of us, and one of each of the kids and put them in a frame and a tee shirt and then cooked him supper last night.....I helped a little....
He was pissy bc he had to stay out of the kitchen while we cooked bc she wanted to surprise him...to top that off...the night bf, he sent Man and Munchkin to spend the night with people...he tried to get Princess to go ....she's not stupid so she asked me why Daddy wanted her to leave the night bf Father's Day.
Later,
AJ
So....today is my birthday....yesterday was Father's Day and Mine and IT's anniversary....yea....13 yrs of being together....see my excitement? I am still unsure of my plans for tonight.....I want to go "out", but I don't know if that will be possible yet.... We will see..if not, oh well...stuff happens.
T called at 5:30 this morning and woke me up....Technically, IT told me Happy Bday first bc he mumbled it when the phone woke him up....but, then T told me. Then everybody else called me....MawMaw, my sister, my uncle and daddy, my friend, you get the point.....not much to tell today...just feeling blah....I've been sick all morning and now I'm at work....yeah.....Princess wants to cook me supper today...I'm curious what she's gonna come up with.
I think IT had an ok Father's Day....I worked until 4:something....then I had to go to Wal-Mart. Princess wanted to cook supper for him. (He got pissy when we went to get his present at Wal-Mart the night before.) Princess picked out pics of all of us, and one of each of the kids and put them in a frame and a tee shirt and then cooked him supper last night.....I helped a little....
He was pissy bc he had to stay out of the kitchen while we cooked bc she wanted to surprise him...to top that off...the night bf, he sent Man and Munchkin to spend the night with people...he tried to get Princess to go ....she's not stupid so she asked me why Daddy wanted her to leave the night bf Father's Day.
Later,
AJ
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Puppies!!!
Ok, quick post!
T's dog had puppies on Sunday morning....I was there for 5 of them to be born! They were so cute!!
I have decided to breed Zoe....my blk chihuahua.
Later,
AJ
T's dog had puppies on Sunday morning....I was there for 5 of them to be born! They were so cute!!
I have decided to breed Zoe....my blk chihuahua.
Later,
AJ
Monday, June 2, 2008
WOW! Lots of catch-up!!!
Well.....I don't even know where to start! First of all, I am getting a divorce!!! I am sooooo excited! I finally had enough! He choked me again for the last time and I told him that I was done! I was trying to wait until next year at tax time, but I can't do it anymore! We have been separated since a few days before Mother's Day. Other than the fact that he won't leave me alone and he has moved back in temporarily bc it's easier for him to have the kids if he's there. Now I'm miserable bc he makes me sleep in the same bed with him....we are not doing anything...no kissing, no messing around, no sex....nothing at all. But, to him as long as I'm in the bed beside him.....it's like we're back together....he won't let me sleep at night bc he wants us to be back together...I told him that I needed time......LOTS of time....he won't give it to me. There is no chance for us to ever get back together, but I have to be nice to him so that he will sign the divorce papers bc I can't afford a contested divorce. My situation sucks!
Another weird thing is that I am now "friends" with MR's wife/live in girlfriend. She called me one night to talk to me about why I was calling him and that she thought we were messing around and then she showed up at my boss's house (his brother) and we were both there and she confronted him....now she knows that I wasn't doing anything with him and we are all friends...well, except that she doesn't like IT at all.....come to think of it...no one likes him.
Another thing going on is that I am talking to this guy...we will call him Hunny bc IT thinks that something is going on. It's not....we are just friends....good friends. We knew him when Princess was a baby...do the calculations, that was 9 yrs ago. We were friends then and we met back up about a month ago. He called the buffet restaurant on Mother's Day morning. He didn't even know that I had told IT that I wanted a divorce. He just took a chance that I was working and he called to tell me Happy Mother's Day bc he wanted to make sure that someone told me Happy Mother's Day....he is kind of an ass to everyone else but he's always been sweet to me and that's what counts. He is going through a separation right now, also. His wife moved out last week and he says that he wants a divorce, but I don't think he really does. He is still talking about their anniversary being on June 10 and he is still wearing his wedding ring. Who knows? Right now, it's none of my business...we are just friends. We talk on the phone every morning and until this past Sat night, we had never met outside of the restaurant. IT convinced me to go have coffee with him on Sat night...No big....it was actually 12:30am on Sunday morning...June 1st. No big....it was just coffee. Then, I went to my oldest and dearest friend's house and talked to her for a while....I didn't go home til 4:15am....I was actually only gone for about 31/2 hrs. No big.
Oh, and they're talking about shutting the wrecker company down again...or letting me and MR run it....we will see....
Later,
AJ
Another weird thing is that I am now "friends" with MR's wife/live in girlfriend. She called me one night to talk to me about why I was calling him and that she thought we were messing around and then she showed up at my boss's house (his brother) and we were both there and she confronted him....now she knows that I wasn't doing anything with him and we are all friends...well, except that she doesn't like IT at all.....come to think of it...no one likes him.
Another thing going on is that I am talking to this guy...we will call him Hunny bc IT thinks that something is going on. It's not....we are just friends....good friends. We knew him when Princess was a baby...do the calculations, that was 9 yrs ago. We were friends then and we met back up about a month ago. He called the buffet restaurant on Mother's Day morning. He didn't even know that I had told IT that I wanted a divorce. He just took a chance that I was working and he called to tell me Happy Mother's Day bc he wanted to make sure that someone told me Happy Mother's Day....he is kind of an ass to everyone else but he's always been sweet to me and that's what counts. He is going through a separation right now, also. His wife moved out last week and he says that he wants a divorce, but I don't think he really does. He is still talking about their anniversary being on June 10 and he is still wearing his wedding ring. Who knows? Right now, it's none of my business...we are just friends. We talk on the phone every morning and until this past Sat night, we had never met outside of the restaurant. IT convinced me to go have coffee with him on Sat night...No big....it was actually 12:30am on Sunday morning...June 1st. No big....it was just coffee. Then, I went to my oldest and dearest friend's house and talked to her for a while....I didn't go home til 4:15am....I was actually only gone for about 31/2 hrs. No big.
Oh, and they're talking about shutting the wrecker company down again...or letting me and MR run it....we will see....
Later,
AJ
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
WOW...Lots of catch-up...
I realize that I neglected to tell you that I took Munchkin to the surgeon......NO SURGERY!! That is awesome news!
Second of all, I want to tell you about a fight that I had with IT last wk..... He did his thing....I fell asleep....(it sucked).....and he asked me if I wanted to go outside with him when he smoked a cig so that I can talk to him....I said no bc I was exhausted and cold...I wanted to go to sleep...he said ok and went outside....I curled up with the comforter and dozed off...the next thing I know, he is yanking the cover off of me and getting in my face yelling that I was sleeping with Mr and I never wanted to spend any time with him....it sucked! I didn't say much except to deny it and tell him that it was 12:30 in the morning and I was tired. He got out his guns and started loading his rifle..then he asked me what was wrong with me (I was shivering) and I said that I was freezing...he cocked (I guess that's what you call it) his gun and said "You won't be in a fucking minute"......then he calmly unloaded the gun and put them up....I have never been more scared of him than I was at that moment.....the look in his eyes and the fact that he was completely calm....then he acted as if everything was completely fine...he held me and told me that he would never hit me again after the Sat that he got drunk.....It's like he's bi-polar or something...he is in a great mood one minute and pissed the next....I never know what to expect from him anymore...It's bad when your 9 and 5 yr olds tell you that it's not fair for him to tell you what to do bc I am a grown woman and should be able to do what I want. That stemmed from last night....he was pissed bc I didn't want to go to the grocery store with him...and instead of going to him Momma's and waiting for him (we had to pick up the kids) I wanted to go to my MawMaw's and he got pissed.....the girls both told me that I should be allowed to go whereever I wanted....that's bad..... I have to get my kids out of it bf it's too late....before the gun incident..I never really deep down thought he was capable of actually killing me....now, the only thing I can think is that he's going to do it and my kids are going to come in and find me...
Later,
AJ
Second of all, I want to tell you about a fight that I had with IT last wk..... He did his thing....I fell asleep....(it sucked).....and he asked me if I wanted to go outside with him when he smoked a cig so that I can talk to him....I said no bc I was exhausted and cold...I wanted to go to sleep...he said ok and went outside....I curled up with the comforter and dozed off...the next thing I know, he is yanking the cover off of me and getting in my face yelling that I was sleeping with Mr and I never wanted to spend any time with him....it sucked! I didn't say much except to deny it and tell him that it was 12:30 in the morning and I was tired. He got out his guns and started loading his rifle..then he asked me what was wrong with me (I was shivering) and I said that I was freezing...he cocked (I guess that's what you call it) his gun and said "You won't be in a fucking minute"......then he calmly unloaded the gun and put them up....I have never been more scared of him than I was at that moment.....the look in his eyes and the fact that he was completely calm....then he acted as if everything was completely fine...he held me and told me that he would never hit me again after the Sat that he got drunk.....It's like he's bi-polar or something...he is in a great mood one minute and pissed the next....I never know what to expect from him anymore...It's bad when your 9 and 5 yr olds tell you that it's not fair for him to tell you what to do bc I am a grown woman and should be able to do what I want. That stemmed from last night....he was pissed bc I didn't want to go to the grocery store with him...and instead of going to him Momma's and waiting for him (we had to pick up the kids) I wanted to go to my MawMaw's and he got pissed.....the girls both told me that I should be allowed to go whereever I wanted....that's bad..... I have to get my kids out of it bf it's too late....before the gun incident..I never really deep down thought he was capable of actually killing me....now, the only thing I can think is that he's going to do it and my kids are going to come in and find me...
Later,
AJ
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Just wanted to clue u in.....
I have had a lot going on....I can't talk about everything right now....I can't wait until I get a divorce!
Ok, first things first....we are almost done moving....notice, I said "almost"..... He won't move anything or put anything up when I'm at work. We still have boxes everywhere at the new house and on our back patio and we still have stuff in the old house. We are moving the boxes tonight and I am going over there to clean tomorrow night after church. That will prob suck....but, that's ok bc it means that I will be away from IT for a few hours....
He is still accusing me of screwing the driver at work.....we will call him Mr. I am not doing anything with Mr by the way. IT just thinks I am bc I don't want to sleep with him. We are at the stage in our marriage where he knows that we are done, but he doesn't want to admit it to himself....so, he is up under my tail and won't leave me alone..he keeps me up all night screwing (completely one sided) and then bitches when I say that I am tired. It's like he's trying to convince himself that everything is ok btwn us as long as we are screwing. He even came to work with me today and stayed with me all flippin day....he had a chance to ride with one of the guys and he wouldn't and he refused to go to the kids school like I promised the kids he would to pay for a library book so that Princess could check out another book.....I had to transfer the phones and go myself...he went with me, of course.
Now, he is pissed bc I wouldn't have sex with him at my office bc we were alone.....I told him that if I didn't want to have sex with him at home, why would I want to have sex with him at the shop?
Later,
AJ
Ok, first things first....we are almost done moving....notice, I said "almost"..... He won't move anything or put anything up when I'm at work. We still have boxes everywhere at the new house and on our back patio and we still have stuff in the old house. We are moving the boxes tonight and I am going over there to clean tomorrow night after church. That will prob suck....but, that's ok bc it means that I will be away from IT for a few hours....
He is still accusing me of screwing the driver at work.....we will call him Mr. I am not doing anything with Mr by the way. IT just thinks I am bc I don't want to sleep with him. We are at the stage in our marriage where he knows that we are done, but he doesn't want to admit it to himself....so, he is up under my tail and won't leave me alone..he keeps me up all night screwing (completely one sided) and then bitches when I say that I am tired. It's like he's trying to convince himself that everything is ok btwn us as long as we are screwing. He even came to work with me today and stayed with me all flippin day....he had a chance to ride with one of the guys and he wouldn't and he refused to go to the kids school like I promised the kids he would to pay for a library book so that Princess could check out another book.....I had to transfer the phones and go myself...he went with me, of course.
Now, he is pissed bc I wouldn't have sex with him at my office bc we were alone.....I told him that if I didn't want to have sex with him at home, why would I want to have sex with him at the shop?
Later,
AJ
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
Yet Another Quickie!!!
Ok, here's the scoop...Munchkin isn't going to the dr bc the dr office had to reschedule due to emergency surgeries......and I weighed myself this morning and I weighed 186lb!!! Yeah!!! That means that I have lost a total of 15.4lbs.....and I'm on my period!!
Later,
AJ
Later,
AJ
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
A Very Quick Catch-up
Ok, here's the deal....I've had a lot going on!! Last Sunday (Mar 30), I had to take Munchkin to the ER.....she has another staph infection in the same spot as the 2 in Nov. They referred her to a pediatric surgeon to probably do surgery to remove all the scar tissue. Long story short, it has been a long week....They were out of school for spring break last week, and she missed yesterday and today, but hopefully, she will get to go back tomorrow.....She had to have it repacked on Tues with no pain med...it broke my heart! She's a trooper...we even told her about poss having to have more surgery...she's ok with it.
On Sat, the night before I took her to the ER, we were having a cookout...everybody got drunk...I was even tipsy....but I quit drinking before I got drunk...when I felt it I quit...IT kept drinking and ended up showing his ass....I told him I wanted a divorce and took off his rings...I put them back on Mon...bc he wouldn't leave me alone.....but I made it very clear to him that I dont need him....I already pay the bills on my own....I told him that the only reason I may need him is to babysit his kids....he's accusing me of sleeping with a driver at work....I'm not, btw....
We found a house....it's $900.00 per month, too....but if I'm gonna have to struggle, I may as well be struggling for something good.....it's a huge 4 bedroom....the front 2 br are 15x15 or 15x16 and the back 2 br are 12x12 or 12x13.....kitchen, sep laundry room, dining room, 2 ba, and lr....you get the point...it has a huge concrete patio in the back and a huge semi private backyard....even room for a small garden.....I'm very excited....to be honest, I'm scared to death bc of coming up with the money to move on.....but, where there's a will, there's a way...
Later,
AJ
PS...I started....it sucks....
On Sat, the night before I took her to the ER, we were having a cookout...everybody got drunk...I was even tipsy....but I quit drinking before I got drunk...when I felt it I quit...IT kept drinking and ended up showing his ass....I told him I wanted a divorce and took off his rings...I put them back on Mon...bc he wouldn't leave me alone.....but I made it very clear to him that I dont need him....I already pay the bills on my own....I told him that the only reason I may need him is to babysit his kids....he's accusing me of sleeping with a driver at work....I'm not, btw....
We found a house....it's $900.00 per month, too....but if I'm gonna have to struggle, I may as well be struggling for something good.....it's a huge 4 bedroom....the front 2 br are 15x15 or 15x16 and the back 2 br are 12x12 or 12x13.....kitchen, sep laundry room, dining room, 2 ba, and lr....you get the point...it has a huge concrete patio in the back and a huge semi private backyard....even room for a small garden.....I'm very excited....to be honest, I'm scared to death bc of coming up with the money to move on.....but, where there's a will, there's a way...
Later,
AJ
PS...I started....it sucks....
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Easter tips were awful!
We got up and went to sunrise service....and we were not late! Then, we had breadfast at church...I ate a biscuit, sausage gravy, bacon, and eggs.....I was so bad! Then, we went home and I got the kids ready for church and myself ready for work. IT took me to work and I ended up clocking in at 10:45....thinking I would make a ton of money...We ended up being dead. From open to close....I only made $70.50! That was awful...it wasn't even as busy as a regular Sunday. On top of that, I had a fight with IT when he picked me up. He was pissed that I worked on Easter and wasn't able to spend time with the kids...he also said that I needed to make a decision btwn my kids and my job...I didn't need to work on Sundays anymore....I explained that I'm not working bc I want to...I'm working bc I have to bc he won't. I can't afford to take Sundays off....I really wish that I could...I miss my kids. The bad thing is that he was saying all of this in front of them....I tried to get him to discuss it with me away from the kids...he wouldn't. I told him that he was being emotionally neglectful of the kids bc he was making the kids think that their momma doesn't want to spend time with them....that's not true. I love my kids and would do anything to be able to be with them all the time....but, I can't do that when I am working to support 5 people...the only thing IT does is ride around and haul junk with his momma or daddy...he gets his own gas and cig money and then still asks me for money and if I don't give it to him...he will make my life HELL......... I am going to try to get a job with the schools...as a substitute or a lunch room lady...anything to get me on the payroll bc then I won't have to worry about where we live...I will be more free to leave his sorry ass.
AJ
AJ
Friday, March 21, 2008
Almost 13.5 lbs!!!!
I am so excited! I weighed myself Tues morning and I have lost 13.4lbs! Now, I need to tone up bc it is looking a little (make that a lot) flabby! I'm starting to look good with clothes on....but when the clothes come off.....not so much.
Man went back to school yesterday....I'm so glad....he was so restless and bored from being stuck at work with me with nothing to do. I had to work yesterday and today....half a day...and I am getting ready to leave. I have to go meet a friend from church to give her some candy to go inside Easter eggs for us to hunt tomorrow and then I have to hightail it to Munchkin's school bc they are having a party. They are having an egg hunt right now and I am missing it but I will be at her party. I hate that I am barely going to see them on Easter. We are getting up and going to the sunrise service and we always have breakfast together (a few of the ladies cook for the entire church family)....then we are coming back home...he's dropping me off at work at 10:00 and taking the kids back to regular service...I'm supposed to work 12-7, but they've already asked me to work 10-7.....I will be exhausted........the only upside of it is that I will probably make $100.00-$150.00......at least that's what they keep telling me.
Later,
AJ
Man went back to school yesterday....I'm so glad....he was so restless and bored from being stuck at work with me with nothing to do. I had to work yesterday and today....half a day...and I am getting ready to leave. I have to go meet a friend from church to give her some candy to go inside Easter eggs for us to hunt tomorrow and then I have to hightail it to Munchkin's school bc they are having a party. They are having an egg hunt right now and I am missing it but I will be at her party. I hate that I am barely going to see them on Easter. We are getting up and going to the sunrise service and we always have breakfast together (a few of the ladies cook for the entire church family)....then we are coming back home...he's dropping me off at work at 10:00 and taking the kids back to regular service...I'm supposed to work 12-7, but they've already asked me to work 10-7.....I will be exhausted........the only upside of it is that I will probably make $100.00-$150.00......at least that's what they keep telling me.
Later,
AJ
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Just another quickie...
I just wanted to jump on a leave an update... I am almost positive that Man has chicken pox....they have all had the vaccine, but...according to the school nurse....it's going around. They have had 15-16 cases (that was before Man) in the past couple of weeks. He is going back to school tomorrow...his fever is gone and none of the bumps are open. Yeah!!! I was out of work yesterday bc his stomach was tore up...I felt so bad for him...they said I could work Thur and Fri morning to make up my time so that my check wouldn't be short. We will see if that actually happens.
I also found out today that my boss is trying to sell the company. That means that I will be down to my buffet job...that would suck! He asked his brother about taking over and buying it from him....if he does it, he said he wanted to keep me full time and double my salary and take taxes out....we will see how it goes.
I'll keep you posted.
AJ
I also found out today that my boss is trying to sell the company. That means that I will be down to my buffet job...that would suck! He asked his brother about taking over and buying it from him....if he does it, he said he wanted to keep me full time and double my salary and take taxes out....we will see how it goes.
I'll keep you posted.
AJ
Monday, March 17, 2008
Wow....
I don't even know where to start...
I guess, first of all, on Sunday morn I weighed myself...189.4lbs!! yeah! That's a 12lb weight loss! I rock!! We went to the Outback last night..my grandmother paid for it bc it was my cousin's b-day...and all I ate was a small piece of the bread (it's so good..I could make a meal out of it), a salad (with my fat free dressing from home), and a baked potatoe (I was bad bc it was loaded)....my steak was really undercooked so I didn't eat it.
We think Man may have chicken pox. He had the vaccine......but, it sure looks like it. We'll see....he goes to the dr tonight at 6:15. IT was supposed to go but I don't told him that he couldn't bc I didn't have the money to pay for it.
We got into a huge fight yesterday.....I told him that he had a pretty good life that most would love...no job...no responsibilities...no bills...all he had to do was baby-sit his own kids while I worked my tail off.............he was pissed! He said he didn't like hearing it all the time...I told him that I didn't like seeing it all the time
I am ticked about Easter...I have to work 12-7 on Easter...that sucks! I asked off for it...but...I didn't get it.
I just found out that my future sister-in-law is prego...she says. I will let you know when it is confirmed. She went out this past weekend to a party (prob got drunk) knowing that she was prego....I'm really worried about the baby if she is prego. They asked us to be godparents...of course we said yes.....I'm just worried. She gave up custody of her little boy (he's 2) to his daddy bc she said that she was on drugs and moving from place to place at the time and it was better for him....I just don't think that she is ready for the responsibility of a baby....we shall see.
Later...AJ
I guess, first of all, on Sunday morn I weighed myself...189.4lbs!! yeah! That's a 12lb weight loss! I rock!! We went to the Outback last night..my grandmother paid for it bc it was my cousin's b-day...and all I ate was a small piece of the bread (it's so good..I could make a meal out of it), a salad (with my fat free dressing from home), and a baked potatoe (I was bad bc it was loaded)....my steak was really undercooked so I didn't eat it.
We think Man may have chicken pox. He had the vaccine......but, it sure looks like it. We'll see....he goes to the dr tonight at 6:15. IT was supposed to go but I don't told him that he couldn't bc I didn't have the money to pay for it.
We got into a huge fight yesterday.....I told him that he had a pretty good life that most would love...no job...no responsibilities...no bills...all he had to do was baby-sit his own kids while I worked my tail off.............he was pissed! He said he didn't like hearing it all the time...I told him that I didn't like seeing it all the time
I am ticked about Easter...I have to work 12-7 on Easter...that sucks! I asked off for it...but...I didn't get it.
I just found out that my future sister-in-law is prego...she says. I will let you know when it is confirmed. She went out this past weekend to a party (prob got drunk) knowing that she was prego....I'm really worried about the baby if she is prego. They asked us to be godparents...of course we said yes.....I'm just worried. She gave up custody of her little boy (he's 2) to his daddy bc she said that she was on drugs and moving from place to place at the time and it was better for him....I just don't think that she is ready for the responsibility of a baby....we shall see.
Later...AJ
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Playing Catch-up............again
Ok......I've been neglecting you.....Sorry.
First, let me tell you about some friends of ours. Before we moved in our house, we lived in apts. They were our neighbors. We lived there for a year and have been in our house for a little over a year. We have been close friends ever since. They have a teenager (she's 17) and a little girl that is 7 mths older than Munchkin. She is also tiny like Munchkin. We will call her Angel for now. Angel fell at school (they all go to the same elem sch) on Thurs and broke her arm above the elbow. Her momma beat the ambulance to the school. She rode in the ambulance with Angel to the local hospital and then they called an ambulance to take her to Scottish Rite in Atlanta. It swelled and ended up cutting off the circulation to her arm and making her pulse weak. She had to have surgery on Thur night and came home on Fri afternoon. She is doing much better now. She has to go on Fri to get another cast put on bc they had to put this one on loose bc of the pins in her arm and the swelling. It broke my heart bc she is like mine. Our kids act more like siblings than friends. It ticks me off that her Momma isn't more "involved" (I guess is the word.) She doesn't even want to go to the school and find out exactly what happened. Not that I think that the school is at fault bc accidents happen, but you never know. My kids have been in the same school since Princess was in 1st grade (she's in the 3rd now) and the only problems I've had from that school are that the nurse is an idiot and Princess' teacher last year was an idiot! (Princess actually corrected her grammar and was right most of the time!) Their principal was my principal when I was in middle school.
The most exciting thing that happened is that we went to the Nascar race in Atlanta on Sun! It was pretty cool. If IT hadn't have drank himself stupid (along with his uncle) it would have been an awsome day. I missed my kids terribly.....but, it was fun. Hopefully, I will have the money to take the kids to the next race that I go to....I didn't buy these tickets....IT's uncle bought them for our anniversary.
I weighed myself on Sun morning and I was back down to 191.4lb........that's exactly a 10lb weight loss!! I did eat a little more than I would have normally at the race and I did eat a little bit too much last night.....but I am determined to do better and lose weight.....I'm sick of being fat!!! But...I don't really think I will be able to lose much until I figure out what's wrong with me....I probably need to go to the dr. I told you about last week and going to the dr and her thinking I was preg....well...it was neg and I took another one yesterday...just to make sure. It was neg also. I have not started yet...I should have started sometime last week...prob Tues, Wed, or Thur. Not to be gross....but I'm gonna describe what's been going on...it's kind of gross but I guess it doesn't matter since no one reads my blog anyway...this way I will remember. I started showing signs of starting on Fri...just a little pink on the paper. It's been like that off and on since then...not constant...just off and on. A little bit ago, I went and checked and it was brown...like it is when you're coming off of it. I don't know what to think. I am broke out, still nauseous, very tender breasts, fatigued, I have a headache....you get the point....oh...and I feel huge.....I'm talking hippo huge! I dont' know what's wrong with me. I'm beginning to really think that my body is messed up big time! I almost wish I was prego....at least then I would have a reason to feel like this and I would know that it wouldn't last forever.
Well, Princess is at work with me today bc she woke up with a migraine. She's been asleep in the back of the van (don't freak out...I work in the woods on private land and I park beside the door....there is no one here!)and she just woke up. I have to go fix her lunch.
AJ
First, let me tell you about some friends of ours. Before we moved in our house, we lived in apts. They were our neighbors. We lived there for a year and have been in our house for a little over a year. We have been close friends ever since. They have a teenager (she's 17) and a little girl that is 7 mths older than Munchkin. She is also tiny like Munchkin. We will call her Angel for now. Angel fell at school (they all go to the same elem sch) on Thurs and broke her arm above the elbow. Her momma beat the ambulance to the school. She rode in the ambulance with Angel to the local hospital and then they called an ambulance to take her to Scottish Rite in Atlanta. It swelled and ended up cutting off the circulation to her arm and making her pulse weak. She had to have surgery on Thur night and came home on Fri afternoon. She is doing much better now. She has to go on Fri to get another cast put on bc they had to put this one on loose bc of the pins in her arm and the swelling. It broke my heart bc she is like mine. Our kids act more like siblings than friends. It ticks me off that her Momma isn't more "involved" (I guess is the word.) She doesn't even want to go to the school and find out exactly what happened. Not that I think that the school is at fault bc accidents happen, but you never know. My kids have been in the same school since Princess was in 1st grade (she's in the 3rd now) and the only problems I've had from that school are that the nurse is an idiot and Princess' teacher last year was an idiot! (Princess actually corrected her grammar and was right most of the time!) Their principal was my principal when I was in middle school.
The most exciting thing that happened is that we went to the Nascar race in Atlanta on Sun! It was pretty cool. If IT hadn't have drank himself stupid (along with his uncle) it would have been an awsome day. I missed my kids terribly.....but, it was fun. Hopefully, I will have the money to take the kids to the next race that I go to....I didn't buy these tickets....IT's uncle bought them for our anniversary.
I weighed myself on Sun morning and I was back down to 191.4lb........that's exactly a 10lb weight loss!! I did eat a little more than I would have normally at the race and I did eat a little bit too much last night.....but I am determined to do better and lose weight.....I'm sick of being fat!!! But...I don't really think I will be able to lose much until I figure out what's wrong with me....I probably need to go to the dr. I told you about last week and going to the dr and her thinking I was preg....well...it was neg and I took another one yesterday...just to make sure. It was neg also. I have not started yet...I should have started sometime last week...prob Tues, Wed, or Thur. Not to be gross....but I'm gonna describe what's been going on...it's kind of gross but I guess it doesn't matter since no one reads my blog anyway...this way I will remember. I started showing signs of starting on Fri...just a little pink on the paper. It's been like that off and on since then...not constant...just off and on. A little bit ago, I went and checked and it was brown...like it is when you're coming off of it. I don't know what to think. I am broke out, still nauseous, very tender breasts, fatigued, I have a headache....you get the point....oh...and I feel huge.....I'm talking hippo huge! I dont' know what's wrong with me. I'm beginning to really think that my body is messed up big time! I almost wish I was prego....at least then I would have a reason to feel like this and I would know that it wouldn't last forever.
Well, Princess is at work with me today bc she woke up with a migraine. She's been asleep in the back of the van (don't freak out...I work in the woods on private land and I park beside the door....there is no one here!)and she just woke up. I have to go fix her lunch.
AJ
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
Mixed Feelings...
First of all, I want to tell you about one of my oldest and dearest friends....we will call her MJ (like in Spider Man). We have been friends since 8th grade. Our last names started with the same letter and everything was alphabetized so we sat beside each other in all of our classes. She is how I met IT....I don't blame her...she didn't know..LOL. Seriously, we aren't as close as I'd like. I'm not the one she considers her "best" friend. Our lives are not as intertwined as I would like. IT is a lot of the reason for this. She doesn't like to be around him. Early in our marriage, I wasn't even allowed to go to a pay phone and make a phone call without him around...it was pretty bad. It's not like that now bc I don't allow it to be but.........the damage is done. I love her like a sister and I love her little boy. I wish that I could have been there for her more in the past....the only thing I can do is try to be here for her now and in the future.
Next....I'm not prego! Let me tell you about my evening yesterday. I took Munchkin and Man to the dr. Munchkin wouldn't do it bc there was a new nurse there and I was too sick to argue with her. Man checked out fine. IT told the dr about me being nauseaus (I really need to look up the spelling.) She made me do a test....she didn't even charge me for it. She said that earlier that morning, she had a patient with a positive test that had her tubal in 2001. Well, the test was neg but it showed that I have a severe UTI. She was amazed that I'm not in pain. Instead of me feeling pain, I am nauseous, throwing up, fatigued (to the point that I am almost falling asleep at work), weak....you get the point...prego symptoms. Weird....she put me on antibiotics and told me to drink water. We will see if it goes away. There is no telling how long I've had it since I don't feel any pain. Now, I'm worried about the fact that I only have 1 kidney and I've got a sever UTI. That's what happened before I had surgery to remove my kidney....I had constant UTIs and kidney infections.................OK.........now the mixed feelings... I am sad that I'm not prego bc I always wanted another baby...I always envisioned myself with 4 children.....yes, I know that I am certifiably insane........ I can't help but feel disappointed bc I know that it's done..no more babies.. I also feel relief. I know that now would be the worst time financially and in other ways to even think of having a baby. I wouldn't pick this situation to bring a baby into. My marriage is pretty much over, we are broke, I work all the time....you get the point. I guess in a weird way, deep down, maybe I wanted it to be positive bc then I would have the 4th baby that I've always wanted but it wouldn't be my fault...I wouldn't have to listen to everyone ask me "what were you thinking?"....sometimes I think with my heart, not with my head...but, that's ok bc I know that I do it and I'm working on it. Think I'm nuts yet??
Next...I am going to have to write a rubber check for my rent this month. I just don't have the money. Since my hours were cut (with no notice), which means that my pay went down, I just don't have enough money. We are looking for a place to move to now. I don't want to, but I can't stay there. I am seriously considering my options. I would even live in a big 2 bedroom right now. It's not like we have a lot of options. I'll let you know what happens.
Well, I'm gonna go bc I am exhausted and I'm at work. I want to lay my head down on my desk, but I'm scared that I'll fall asleep.
Later,
AJ
Next....I'm not prego! Let me tell you about my evening yesterday. I took Munchkin and Man to the dr. Munchkin wouldn't do it bc there was a new nurse there and I was too sick to argue with her. Man checked out fine. IT told the dr about me being nauseaus (I really need to look up the spelling.) She made me do a test....she didn't even charge me for it. She said that earlier that morning, she had a patient with a positive test that had her tubal in 2001. Well, the test was neg but it showed that I have a severe UTI. She was amazed that I'm not in pain. Instead of me feeling pain, I am nauseous, throwing up, fatigued (to the point that I am almost falling asleep at work), weak....you get the point...prego symptoms. Weird....she put me on antibiotics and told me to drink water. We will see if it goes away. There is no telling how long I've had it since I don't feel any pain. Now, I'm worried about the fact that I only have 1 kidney and I've got a sever UTI. That's what happened before I had surgery to remove my kidney....I had constant UTIs and kidney infections.................OK.........now the mixed feelings... I am sad that I'm not prego bc I always wanted another baby...I always envisioned myself with 4 children.....yes, I know that I am certifiably insane........ I can't help but feel disappointed bc I know that it's done..no more babies.. I also feel relief. I know that now would be the worst time financially and in other ways to even think of having a baby. I wouldn't pick this situation to bring a baby into. My marriage is pretty much over, we are broke, I work all the time....you get the point. I guess in a weird way, deep down, maybe I wanted it to be positive bc then I would have the 4th baby that I've always wanted but it wouldn't be my fault...I wouldn't have to listen to everyone ask me "what were you thinking?"....sometimes I think with my heart, not with my head...but, that's ok bc I know that I do it and I'm working on it. Think I'm nuts yet??
Next...I am going to have to write a rubber check for my rent this month. I just don't have the money. Since my hours were cut (with no notice), which means that my pay went down, I just don't have enough money. We are looking for a place to move to now. I don't want to, but I can't stay there. I am seriously considering my options. I would even live in a big 2 bedroom right now. It's not like we have a lot of options. I'll let you know what happens.
Well, I'm gonna go bc I am exhausted and I'm at work. I want to lay my head down on my desk, but I'm scared that I'll fall asleep.
Later,
AJ
Monday, March 3, 2008
Playing Catch-up.....
Wow....it's seems like it's been forever! Where do I start? Well, to begin with...we are moving...I don't know where yet, but I can't afford the house we're in now. It sucks but that's how it is...Sucks to be me... My hours at the towing comp were cut to M-W at $50.00 per day. That's not a lot! There is no way that I can afford to pay $900.00 a month for a house! My kids are going to be really disappointed!
Speaking of disappointed....I had to break my children's hearts yesterday. My girls want to do cheerleading and my son wants to do football so bad they can taste it!!! BUT, it's going to cost $325.00 each for the girls to do it and it's not fair to let my son do football if the girls can't cheer. It's a catch 22. No matter what I do, it's unfair to someone.
Man's b-day party was Saturday....my baby is 7!... He didn't have anyone from school show up and he didn't feel good. It was an ok party but half the people left before he did presents. Mine and IT's anniversary was yesterday (March 2). We've been married for 10 freaking years!! We went to church yesterday morning, I went to the cheerleading meeting at 2:00, and then we went to the dollar theatre to see 'I Am Legend'. It wasn't Will Smith's greatest movie. It wasn't horrible, it just wasn't what I expected and the ending sucked!
Oh, yeah....I have had problems with my monthly since I had Munchkin. I had a tubal (they didn't cut my tubes, they just double clipped each side...that's the equivalent to putting a roach clip on a straw). I have prego symptoms every month...well, most months.. This month, it's really bad. I've been nauseaus (I know I spelled that wrong) a lot! I've never actually thrown up before, but I did last night...choc chip cookies will never be the same!!! I took 2 tests bc I wanted to make sure that I wasn't subconciously thinking about it (it was too early for both of them and one of them prob wouldn't work anywy bc it was a cheap {$1.00} test.....they were both negative.) The best I can tell, I should start sometime this week...I think. I was on my period when I went to the dr on Feb 8...I think. I think that I was at the end of my period which means that, either way, I started bt Feb 1 and Feb 7. That means that I should start sometime bt now and Mar 6 (Thurs). I don't think that I'm prego, I just think that I have baby on the brain bc it seems like everyone I know is prego....my boss/friend (remember that hers is a miracle baby bc she was told that she could never have any more bc of endometriosis and that she needed a historectomy), my friend, my friends sister-in-law, a friend or ours' sister, and a few others...you get the point.
Ok, here's the story...I never wanted to get a tubal in the first place, but IT convinced me that I should (along with everyone else..mainly family) and I did have a lot of problems with my pregnancies and I didn't want to suffer through another miscarriage. I always secretly hoped that it would come undone. I always felt that I was meant to have 4 children. Sounds crazy...I know. All I've ever wanted to be is a mother.... I always envisioned getting through school and having a career and untying my tubes....however...it didn't happen that way. IT got sorry and we got really broke. Plus, I had my kidney removed, so there's no way. Now...who knows. If God decides he wants me to have another baby, I guess I'll find out.
Just considering the possibility has given me a lot to think about. What if I was...how would I feel? I guess it would be mixed feelings. The situation would suck! IT is still gonna be sorry and we are still gonna be broke. But, I can't say that I wouldn't be happy at the idea of another baby! Who wouldn't be happy when they are given a miracle of a child? I don't understand it. I just leave it in God's hands. What's meant to be will be.
On another note...I kind of went off track with my WW this weekend....a lot! I planned on getting back on track again today, but I was so nauseaus (again, I know that it's probably spelled wrong) this morning that I was chomping down on saltines. I was 194lbs this morning. Still 6.4lbs less than when I started!
I am seriously beginning to wonder bc I've never had symptoms this bad....Only God knows. I will be glad when I know either way......either by starting or by finding out otherwise. I am prob just thinking about it subconciously and psyching myself out!!
Oh, btw, my eyes are still bothering me...still sensitive to light and burning a little...just enough to annoy me! I am so tired all the time..maybe I'm anemic. I am so tired!!!
Speaking of disappointed....I had to break my children's hearts yesterday. My girls want to do cheerleading and my son wants to do football so bad they can taste it!!! BUT, it's going to cost $325.00 each for the girls to do it and it's not fair to let my son do football if the girls can't cheer. It's a catch 22. No matter what I do, it's unfair to someone.
Man's b-day party was Saturday....my baby is 7!... He didn't have anyone from school show up and he didn't feel good. It was an ok party but half the people left before he did presents. Mine and IT's anniversary was yesterday (March 2). We've been married for 10 freaking years!! We went to church yesterday morning, I went to the cheerleading meeting at 2:00, and then we went to the dollar theatre to see 'I Am Legend'. It wasn't Will Smith's greatest movie. It wasn't horrible, it just wasn't what I expected and the ending sucked!
Oh, yeah....I have had problems with my monthly since I had Munchkin. I had a tubal (they didn't cut my tubes, they just double clipped each side...that's the equivalent to putting a roach clip on a straw). I have prego symptoms every month...well, most months.. This month, it's really bad. I've been nauseaus (I know I spelled that wrong) a lot! I've never actually thrown up before, but I did last night...choc chip cookies will never be the same!!! I took 2 tests bc I wanted to make sure that I wasn't subconciously thinking about it (it was too early for both of them and one of them prob wouldn't work anywy bc it was a cheap {$1.00} test.....they were both negative.) The best I can tell, I should start sometime this week...I think. I was on my period when I went to the dr on Feb 8...I think. I think that I was at the end of my period which means that, either way, I started bt Feb 1 and Feb 7. That means that I should start sometime bt now and Mar 6 (Thurs). I don't think that I'm prego, I just think that I have baby on the brain bc it seems like everyone I know is prego....my boss/friend (remember that hers is a miracle baby bc she was told that she could never have any more bc of endometriosis and that she needed a historectomy), my friend, my friends sister-in-law, a friend or ours' sister, and a few others...you get the point.
Ok, here's the story...I never wanted to get a tubal in the first place, but IT convinced me that I should (along with everyone else..mainly family) and I did have a lot of problems with my pregnancies and I didn't want to suffer through another miscarriage. I always secretly hoped that it would come undone. I always felt that I was meant to have 4 children. Sounds crazy...I know. All I've ever wanted to be is a mother.... I always envisioned getting through school and having a career and untying my tubes....however...it didn't happen that way. IT got sorry and we got really broke. Plus, I had my kidney removed, so there's no way. Now...who knows. If God decides he wants me to have another baby, I guess I'll find out.
Just considering the possibility has given me a lot to think about. What if I was...how would I feel? I guess it would be mixed feelings. The situation would suck! IT is still gonna be sorry and we are still gonna be broke. But, I can't say that I wouldn't be happy at the idea of another baby! Who wouldn't be happy when they are given a miracle of a child? I don't understand it. I just leave it in God's hands. What's meant to be will be.
On another note...I kind of went off track with my WW this weekend....a lot! I planned on getting back on track again today, but I was so nauseaus (again, I know that it's probably spelled wrong) this morning that I was chomping down on saltines. I was 194lbs this morning. Still 6.4lbs less than when I started!
I am seriously beginning to wonder bc I've never had symptoms this bad....Only God knows. I will be glad when I know either way......either by starting or by finding out otherwise. I am prob just thinking about it subconciously and psyching myself out!!
Oh, btw, my eyes are still bothering me...still sensitive to light and burning a little...just enough to annoy me! I am so tired all the time..maybe I'm anemic. I am so tired!!!
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
A Quickie
Well....where do I start? We went to Chattanooga Tenn to the Antique Towing and Recovery Museum yesterday. It was a lot smaller than I expected. We took Man with out state tax check. He enjoyed it...that's what matters. My boss (man) was going to quit/got fired from his other job (working at another tow company) so he's back here full time. I think that I am about to get canned. With this company being their only income, I fully expect them to let me go bc the company will probably go under....it's barely treading water now. They won't be able to pay me so I think that they will probably end up letting me go. We shall see. As far as my weekend...it was uneventful. I worked on Sat and was actually off on Sunday...I got to go to church on Sun morning (which was awesome!!!) and then went back on Sun night. My pastor's wife threw him a surprise b-day party after service on Sun night. I really enjoyed spending time with my kids on Sun. I have been fighting with WallyWorld bc on Sat night...I got some groceries and some non-food items. I paid for my groceries with my FS and when I transferred it to the self checkout cashier, the screen went blank. When she got it to come back up, it didn't show my grocery payment and the CSM told me to re-swipe it and when I did, it took it out of my card twice. It still hasn't went back on my card and it was almost $70.00! I am pissed!
I have been thinking about it and have almost decided that I want to sell insurance like Momma. She says that after she starts making good money, she will help me get started. I can't wait bc I am so sick of being broke!!!
Later,
AJ
I have been thinking about it and have almost decided that I want to sell insurance like Momma. She says that after she starts making good money, she will help me get started. I can't wait bc I am so sick of being broke!!!
Later,
AJ
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Another quickie....
Not much has happened since yesterday. My boss/friend went to the dr yesterday bc she was bleeding. The dr. said that she and the baby are fine. She was 5 wks and 5 days yesterday. She'll be due sometime in late September. I am really happy for her.
Also, I don't know if I told u or not..........I did my wkly weigh-in yesterday and..........192lbs!!!! That is a total loss of 9.4lbs so far! I am so excited!!! I can't wait! My goal is to either weigh 175lbs by my birthday or be in a solid size 16 (a 14 would be even better..) I am not quite as worried about the weight as I am about the size. I know that I may not lose as much as I would like bc I may gain muscle weight and muscle weighs more than fat...I'm ok with that. My ultimate goal would be........down to a size 10..........yes, a size 8 would be awesome............and, yes, I would be satisfied with a size 12 or 14........but my ultimate goal is a size 10.........I'll probably change it later. We will see how it goes. I probably have another 40-45 lbs to lose.......at least. Right now, I'm focusing on short term goals. I just want to have to buy some more pants by my birthday in June. And.........I would love to actually be able to take my kids swimming and not be so embarrassed to wear a swim suit. I do own one believe it or not.....but I need to lose for it to look decent. I guess I need to start focusing on doing my crunches and the treadmill....LOL... Seriously, I need to start toning up bc I don't want to have loose skin everywhere. That would almost be worse than the fat. You can already tell that I have lost by looking at my stomach. It used to be huge (well, it's still huge) but now it just hangs there in spots...you can tell that it's not filled out like it was before. I really wish that I could afford a gym membership! Another thing is that I need to start going back to the tanning bed...not to look nasty and "baked".......just to be a little more golden....I'm so white that if I was standing outside at night, an airplane would think I was a runway...Seriously, I am really pale..I need to get a little tan. I went before and I tanned really quick and I loved it...We will see..........
More later, I really need to get to work.
AJ
Also, I don't know if I told u or not..........I did my wkly weigh-in yesterday and..........192lbs!!!! That is a total loss of 9.4lbs so far! I am so excited!!! I can't wait! My goal is to either weigh 175lbs by my birthday or be in a solid size 16 (a 14 would be even better..) I am not quite as worried about the weight as I am about the size. I know that I may not lose as much as I would like bc I may gain muscle weight and muscle weighs more than fat...I'm ok with that. My ultimate goal would be........down to a size 10..........yes, a size 8 would be awesome............and, yes, I would be satisfied with a size 12 or 14........but my ultimate goal is a size 10.........I'll probably change it later. We will see how it goes. I probably have another 40-45 lbs to lose.......at least. Right now, I'm focusing on short term goals. I just want to have to buy some more pants by my birthday in June. And.........I would love to actually be able to take my kids swimming and not be so embarrassed to wear a swim suit. I do own one believe it or not.....but I need to lose for it to look decent. I guess I need to start focusing on doing my crunches and the treadmill....LOL... Seriously, I need to start toning up bc I don't want to have loose skin everywhere. That would almost be worse than the fat. You can already tell that I have lost by looking at my stomach. It used to be huge (well, it's still huge) but now it just hangs there in spots...you can tell that it's not filled out like it was before. I really wish that I could afford a gym membership! Another thing is that I need to start going back to the tanning bed...not to look nasty and "baked".......just to be a little more golden....I'm so white that if I was standing outside at night, an airplane would think I was a runway...Seriously, I am really pale..I need to get a little tan. I went before and I tanned really quick and I loved it...We will see..........
More later, I really need to get to work.
AJ
Monday, February 11, 2008
Playing Catch-up........
Ok, I didn't get to leave early on Wed to take Princess to the eye dr. bc my boss at the Towing Co got mad. I get it....it seems like I'm always leaving early. IT took her and she ended up with glasses like I expected. I had to go meet them to pay the place $149.00 on top of what her insurance paid. I was not a happy camper about the money. I worked with the pain on Wed and Thurs. By the time I got off from the Buffet on Thurs night, I could barely breathe. I broke down and went to the dr. on Fri morning. The wrecker service wasn't happy bc I had to be out the entire day on Fri from both jobs. I was already off on Sat for Munchkin's party. The party went ok. She only had one friend from school show up but it was good. She enjoyed it. I went to work on Sun (was supposed to work from 12-7) and ended up getting sent home around 4:00. Before I left, I was accused of stealing tips. I DIDN'T! I would never take money from someone else. It's not in my nature. The "head waitress" said that I had been up front for 2 hours and that I had to have made more than $5.00 in 2 hours. Well, first of all it had only been about 1 hour. Second, most of the tables that left in that hour were from the waitresses that were already up front (I was taking over so they could go home). I only had a couple of tables leave. I was mainly setting people up. I ended up getting sent home bc I was sick and it pissed her off bc it was around 4:00-4:15 and she was still there and I was getting sent home. She was supposed to have gotten off at 3:00. All I can say is "It sucks to be her". So, from now on, I refuse to share tips with anyone...not that anyone would want to share tips with me now bc she made me look like the resident thief. What makes it so bad is that I have to keep going in there and working with all of them. I don't have the option of telling them to buzz off. I need that job bc IT won't work. He said he was going to apply at another wrecker service today, but he decided to call first to see if he needed CDLs. Of course the job opening requires CDLs. So, instead of looking for something else, he is staying close to home in case his daddy needs him to come get him bc he is taking his gas tank off today. WHATEVER! Now, he says that he will go to truck driving school and get his CDLs even if he has to go over the rd. Yeah right! I'll believe it when I see it. Oh, yeah..what the dr told me on Fri. I have a pinched muscle in my back bc I am so stressed and tense. She gave me 30 muscle relaxers and told IT to give me massages....Like that's going to happen!! On top of my back hurting....I woke up sick on Fri. It wasn't in my chest or anything on Fri, but I feel conjested now so I think it probably is now.
Story of my life...
AJ
Story of my life...
AJ
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
Yep...We have confirmation...IT is a jerk!!
Last night when I got home from work at almost 10:00, I was exhausted. I was sleepy and achy. My whole body hurt. It was Munchkin's birthday (I can't believe that my baby is 5!!!!) and I only got to see her for a little bit when IT brought her to eat at the buffet with me. I couldn't even sit down with her bc I was working. I missed her so much! I miss all of my kids soooo much! I never get to see them bc I am always working! Back to the point....I put my Smart One in the microwave and then took it to bed. Munchkin got to stay up late and sleep witm me since it was her b-day. The bed was covered in clothes and laundry baskets (full of clothes) and I just pushed them over, got in the bed, and pulled the covers over us. I didn't have the strength to move them. IT came in there and said something about me not cleaning off the entire bed. I said I would in a minute and then I fell asleep. He came in there and woke me up and I had to help him clean off the bed and make it. He insinuated that I was lazy bc I didn't clean off the whole bed. I told him I worked 24-7 and was exhausted and hurting....what was his excuse....did he sit too long? He got pissed.
My boss at the buffet offered me full time there if I quit the wrecker service bc she said she could see that it was killing me to work 2 jobs.....IT doesn't care. He's with his daddy hauling junk today. I will give him credit that he went to eat breakfast with Man this morning. He goes to eat with Princess tomorrow morning. At least he's doing that. Last night, he said he did something he wasn't proud of. He said that he "accidentally" pulled Princess' hair last night. I don't totally believe it was an accident, but I wasn't there...I can't prove it. If I seriously believed that it wasn't an accident or if I had proof...I would leave him on the spot no matter what!...............but, I don't know. I feel sooo bad. I'm not there for my kids the way I want to be or the way that they deserve for me to be...and I can't do anything about it. I am missing out on so much. I am missing out on seeing my kids grow up. Munchkin is going on her 2nd field trip this morning and I am missing it just like I did the first one. I am missing everything. I am at my breaking point. I cry at commercials. I cry in the shower.....I cry all the time. I am crying as I write this sitting in the office at work. I am so stressed. I'm not sure how much more I can take.
And my house....that's another thing. My house is destroyed. IT won't do anything. His attitude is that when I do something to help him in the house, he will do something...he shouldn't have to do it all by himself. I'm not even there long enough to mess up. We have another birthday party this weekend and he won't even help clean for the party. He spent Mon and Tues with his Momma and Daddy and he is conveniently gone today...Wednesday is his junk day. I am leaving today at lunch bc Princess has an appt with an eye dr at 1:45. I will try to clean some today but I don't know how much I will be able to get done with my back hurting....it's radiating into my shoulder, up to my neck, and down into my back. It is seriously painful. I won't be off again until the day of the party.
Later,
AJ
My boss at the buffet offered me full time there if I quit the wrecker service bc she said she could see that it was killing me to work 2 jobs.....IT doesn't care. He's with his daddy hauling junk today. I will give him credit that he went to eat breakfast with Man this morning. He goes to eat with Princess tomorrow morning. At least he's doing that. Last night, he said he did something he wasn't proud of. He said that he "accidentally" pulled Princess' hair last night. I don't totally believe it was an accident, but I wasn't there...I can't prove it. If I seriously believed that it wasn't an accident or if I had proof...I would leave him on the spot no matter what!...............but, I don't know. I feel sooo bad. I'm not there for my kids the way I want to be or the way that they deserve for me to be...and I can't do anything about it. I am missing out on so much. I am missing out on seeing my kids grow up. Munchkin is going on her 2nd field trip this morning and I am missing it just like I did the first one. I am missing everything. I am at my breaking point. I cry at commercials. I cry in the shower.....I cry all the time. I am crying as I write this sitting in the office at work. I am so stressed. I'm not sure how much more I can take.
And my house....that's another thing. My house is destroyed. IT won't do anything. His attitude is that when I do something to help him in the house, he will do something...he shouldn't have to do it all by himself. I'm not even there long enough to mess up. We have another birthday party this weekend and he won't even help clean for the party. He spent Mon and Tues with his Momma and Daddy and he is conveniently gone today...Wednesday is his junk day. I am leaving today at lunch bc Princess has an appt with an eye dr at 1:45. I will try to clean some today but I don't know how much I will be able to get done with my back hurting....it's radiating into my shoulder, up to my neck, and down into my back. It is seriously painful. I won't be off again until the day of the party.
Later,
AJ
Monday, February 4, 2008
Just a quickie.....
It's Monday again...that means time to weigh myself again.....I should probably wait until tomorrow bc I've been doing it on Tues...........I had on pants and I had already had a cup of joe so...it may not be exactly accurate.....it was 194.8.....Yeah! I'm going to do it again in the morning to make sure it's accurate! If it's accurate....that means a total weight loss of 6.6 lbs in 3 weeks.....I'm so excited!!!!
I just found out that my boss (who just happens to be one of my oldest friends) at the towing company is prego! She was told that she has endemetriosis and couldn't have any more kids. I really hope and pray that everything goes well with her. She goes to the dr. tomorrow at 3:00 to confirm it. I'm happy for her...
Another thing that blew my mind this morning is that she is afraid that her step-daughter who is only 14 (I think) is prego. She was supposed to start on the 1st at the same time as her and she hasn't started yet and she thinks that she's been messing around with a neighbor boy.
More later.. I have to go fight with the Post Office....and to the bank.....
AJ
I just found out that my boss (who just happens to be one of my oldest friends) at the towing company is prego! She was told that she has endemetriosis and couldn't have any more kids. I really hope and pray that everything goes well with her. She goes to the dr. tomorrow at 3:00 to confirm it. I'm happy for her...
Another thing that blew my mind this morning is that she is afraid that her step-daughter who is only 14 (I think) is prego. She was supposed to start on the 1st at the same time as her and she hasn't started yet and she thinks that she's been messing around with a neighbor boy.
More later.. I have to go fight with the Post Office....and to the bank.....
AJ
Friday, February 1, 2008
I know I've been ignoring you...Sorry
This is just a quickie post. We are moving....tonight and this weekend. yeah....see the excitement? I wanted to wait until March to move, but if I would be able to come up with the money to move, then why not pay rent? The point is that I can't come up with the money in March....so, we're moving now. I am leaving work at 4:30 to sign the lease. It's a 3 bedroom/2bath apt...not bad for the money, just smaller than what we need.........but, at least it's something I can realistically afford on my own.
BTW..I weighed myself this morning....I know I shouldn't have, but....it was good. It said 195.6....so far, that's a total loss of 5.8lbs...I think...my brain's asleep right now LOL.....
Later,
AJ
BTW..I weighed myself this morning....I know I shouldn't have, but....it was good. It said 195.6....so far, that's a total loss of 5.8lbs...I think...my brain's asleep right now LOL.....
Later,
AJ
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Yeah me!
I weighed myself for my weekly weigh-in this morning and..... 196.8!!! That means that, in two weeks, I have lost 4.6 lbs. I was really bad on Saturday and I have only been half following the points so that's not bad. My aunt gave me her points calculator (it's a WW thing that helps you figure up your points by entering the number of calories, the total fat, and the fiber) on Wednesday, and I am going to get a small notebook and start writing down everything I eat. I think that will really help. I'm also going to do my best to walk on my treadmill a few times a week. It's kind of hard when I work a double, plus I've already walked at the buffett place all night. Even though the scale says I've lost weight, my pants feel tighter.
Today is going to be a crappy day. I just got a phone call back on an apt that we looked at last night.....it is a 4 bedroom apt (the rooms are bigger than the rooms in my house). It is only $695.00 per month, but.........they want first month, last month, and a $500.00 deposit to have the dogs. They are out of their mind. That is a total of $1,890.00 to move in. There is no way in Hades that I can afford that! It's beginning to look like we're gonna have to move back to the apts we lived in before we got our house. It will only be $951.00 to move in there. They are 3 bedrooms. It sucks that the girls would have to share a room again, but....what can you do? It's not like I have a lot of options. It is $650.00 per month and one person told me that they charge $50.00, due on the 15th, to go toward the water bill.
Oh yeah...I am exhausted and I have to work at both jobs today. Our nephew, IT's brother's baby, stayed the night with us last night. He is 5 months old. Evidently, IT's brother, stays up with him all night playing, so...he's not used to sleeping at night. He had me up all night. He would only sleep a little at a time and then get up crying. If it would have been a weekend (you know...when normal people get to sleep in....then it wouldn't have been a big deal. But, I was already exhausted and now I am about to fall out.
More later...I'm going to get some coffee.
AJ
Today is going to be a crappy day. I just got a phone call back on an apt that we looked at last night.....it is a 4 bedroom apt (the rooms are bigger than the rooms in my house). It is only $695.00 per month, but.........they want first month, last month, and a $500.00 deposit to have the dogs. They are out of their mind. That is a total of $1,890.00 to move in. There is no way in Hades that I can afford that! It's beginning to look like we're gonna have to move back to the apts we lived in before we got our house. It will only be $951.00 to move in there. They are 3 bedrooms. It sucks that the girls would have to share a room again, but....what can you do? It's not like I have a lot of options. It is $650.00 per month and one person told me that they charge $50.00, due on the 15th, to go toward the water bill.
Oh yeah...I am exhausted and I have to work at both jobs today. Our nephew, IT's brother's baby, stayed the night with us last night. He is 5 months old. Evidently, IT's brother, stays up with him all night playing, so...he's not used to sleeping at night. He had me up all night. He would only sleep a little at a time and then get up crying. If it would have been a weekend (you know...when normal people get to sleep in....then it wouldn't have been a big deal. But, I was already exhausted and now I am about to fall out.
More later...I'm going to get some coffee.
AJ
Monday, January 28, 2008
It has been a rough weekend.........
We did our taxes this weekend. It was awful! We only got back $1,491.00 after they took their fees out. I felt like I had been handed a death sentence. I was literally in tears in the midd of the tax place. I won't be able to leave like I planned. At least not right now. I owe my Daddy money (I have to pay him a minimum of $500.00), I owe my MawMaw $575.00 (she helped me with Chrismas), and I have a $335.00 light bill that is due. Once I cover the check for $45.00 at the grocery store last night.....I'm out of money. It sucks. I really thought I would have a chance to be happy this year. So far......no go. We will be getting $202.00 for our state refund. That is already spent. We promised Man that we would take him to the wrecker museum in TN. The girls were in a pageant in June and we promised him then......guess what...it hasn't happened yet. Since IT refuses to work, I haven't had the money to take him. It won't cost that much. We're gonna take a cooler full of sandwich stuff, drinks, and snacks. We're driving up for the day and then coming back home. That way, we (by that I mean 'I') won't have to pay for a motel.
Another thing that has happened this weekend is that we are moving. Not sure exactly where yet, but I know we have to move....I can't afford the house by myself and Momma is moving this coming Saturday. There is a 4 bedroom apt on our street and we're going to look at it today. It's only $695.00 per month. I could afford it on my own, it would just be really tight. (Then I could just make IT move.) IT could care less.
He got pissed bc he wanted $100.00 out of the tax money and I told him we didn't have it. He threatened to burn the check to keep me from taking the whole thing and he pitched a fit bc I don't ever want to give him money....I was gonna get the rest do I shouldn't fuss about him getting a little bit.....I informed him that I wasn't getting the rest of it for myself bc I was paying bills. That I never get anything for myself bc I don't spend money on myself if I don't have it to spare. He actually had the nerve to tell me that it was my own fault bc I chose not to get myself stuff when I wanted it.
Did I tell you about what he told Princess? She had a pink bandana on her head and he told her to take it off bc she wasn't a Ni**er). I am so fed up with the way he treats me and his influence on the kids. One day...............I can keep dreaming.
AJ
Another thing that has happened this weekend is that we are moving. Not sure exactly where yet, but I know we have to move....I can't afford the house by myself and Momma is moving this coming Saturday. There is a 4 bedroom apt on our street and we're going to look at it today. It's only $695.00 per month. I could afford it on my own, it would just be really tight. (Then I could just make IT move.) IT could care less.
He got pissed bc he wanted $100.00 out of the tax money and I told him we didn't have it. He threatened to burn the check to keep me from taking the whole thing and he pitched a fit bc I don't ever want to give him money....I was gonna get the rest do I shouldn't fuss about him getting a little bit.....I informed him that I wasn't getting the rest of it for myself bc I was paying bills. That I never get anything for myself bc I don't spend money on myself if I don't have it to spare. He actually had the nerve to tell me that it was my own fault bc I chose not to get myself stuff when I wanted it.
Did I tell you about what he told Princess? She had a pink bandana on her head and he told her to take it off bc she wasn't a Ni**er). I am so fed up with the way he treats me and his influence on the kids. One day...............I can keep dreaming.
AJ
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Anxiously Waiting.....
Ok, here's the deal. Now that I know that I'm gonna be out in a few months, it is soooo hard to wait! Every little thing that he does drives me up the wall. I think that my Momma is getting ready to move. She started moving a few things last night. I don't blame her at all. I hate it there and I'm never there. She's there every day after work and on her off days. I don't know what I'm gonna do about the rent until we get our taxes. I won't be able to leave until at least March or April (waiting on my tag and possibly refinancing my van). I think that I'm gonna tell him that we are paying my Daddy back a lot more than we are so that I can put some in an acct in my name so that I know that he won't squander it away. We will see...depends on how much we get back.
I forgot to weigh myself on Monday morning (my weekly weigh-in). I did it on Tues morning and I weighed 198.8 lbs! Yeah!! That means that I lost 2.6lbs. I'm ok with that. I would like to lose down to a size 10 eventually...and that's settling. If I had a choice, I would be petite and pretty with flawless skin (no stretchmarks) and a flat stomach.......BUT..........I don't have a choice, so I guess that I will settle for what I can get. I would like to lose 30lbs by my birthday (June 16). That would put me at 171lbs.... At least I would be a lot smaller by then. My ultimate goal would be to lose a total of about 60-65lbs....but, I know that muscle weighs more than fat, so I'm not set on the actual number of lbs. I just want to lose inches. I still haven't measured myself for my beginning measurements. I guess that I will do that tonight....that means that I will have to be nice to IT....that sucks.
Ok, I have to go now. I'm at work with a ton of things to do!
AJ
I forgot to weigh myself on Monday morning (my weekly weigh-in). I did it on Tues morning and I weighed 198.8 lbs! Yeah!! That means that I lost 2.6lbs. I'm ok with that. I would like to lose down to a size 10 eventually...and that's settling. If I had a choice, I would be petite and pretty with flawless skin (no stretchmarks) and a flat stomach.......BUT..........I don't have a choice, so I guess that I will settle for what I can get. I would like to lose 30lbs by my birthday (June 16). That would put me at 171lbs.... At least I would be a lot smaller by then. My ultimate goal would be to lose a total of about 60-65lbs....but, I know that muscle weighs more than fat, so I'm not set on the actual number of lbs. I just want to lose inches. I still haven't measured myself for my beginning measurements. I guess that I will do that tonight....that means that I will have to be nice to IT....that sucks.
Ok, I have to go now. I'm at work with a ton of things to do!
AJ
Monday, January 21, 2008
It's already been a looong day!
OMG! I'm really tired. I stayed up until almost 2:00 this morning watching Good Luck Chuck and Extreme Makeover. I would give anything to be on that show! I can't imagine being on How To Look Good Naked bc I can't imagine liking what I see in the mirror. Anyways......that's another story.
I am determined to move in a couple of months. Now that I am determined to leave and have a plan in mind, it is harder to stay than ever.
I was kinda bad last night. Yesterday was Princess' birthday. She turned 9! I can't believe that my little girl is 9! I still remember the day she was born. IT brought her to my work when I got off and we sit down when she and IT ate and then IT went home. I took her to Wal-mart and I bought her some nail polish and nail art so we can do her nails on Fri for her party on Sat. She used her b-day money (one of the watiresses gave her $10.00) to buy herself a pedicure set and some sugar free gum. She also bought me a metal rose (red with glitter)....it was so sweet. Then we went to the grocery store and bought stuff for her b-day dinner. She picked ribs, mac+chs, baked beans, and canned biscuits. I ate all of it...in moderation. I only had a little bit of the mac+chs and baked beans and one biscuit. But, I was bad bc I had 3 ribs. But, I walked on the treadmill for 20 min....I only did a mile, but every step helps.....it was over 2,500 steps. We also rented a movie....of course she picked it out....she picked Waitress with Keri Russell in it. It was kind of a stupid movie, but I could totally relate to her....without the weird pie creativity and boning her OB. Seriously, I can totally relate and that is sad.
Later,
AJ
I am determined to move in a couple of months. Now that I am determined to leave and have a plan in mind, it is harder to stay than ever.
I was kinda bad last night. Yesterday was Princess' birthday. She turned 9! I can't believe that my little girl is 9! I still remember the day she was born. IT brought her to my work when I got off and we sit down when she and IT ate and then IT went home. I took her to Wal-mart and I bought her some nail polish and nail art so we can do her nails on Fri for her party on Sat. She used her b-day money (one of the watiresses gave her $10.00) to buy herself a pedicure set and some sugar free gum. She also bought me a metal rose (red with glitter)....it was so sweet. Then we went to the grocery store and bought stuff for her b-day dinner. She picked ribs, mac+chs, baked beans, and canned biscuits. I ate all of it...in moderation. I only had a little bit of the mac+chs and baked beans and one biscuit. But, I was bad bc I had 3 ribs. But, I walked on the treadmill for 20 min....I only did a mile, but every step helps.....it was over 2,500 steps. We also rented a movie....of course she picked it out....she picked Waitress with Keri Russell in it. It was kind of a stupid movie, but I could totally relate to her....without the weird pie creativity and boning her OB. Seriously, I can totally relate and that is sad.
Later,
AJ
Friday, January 18, 2008
A Morning Quickie
Ok, just wanted to post really quick. I did another no-no....I got on the scale again this morning. It could have been a real downer, but it wasn't....so far, 2.6 lbs gone!! Yeah! Well, I will post again later.
AJ
AJ
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Still hanging in there...
I walked on the treadmill for an hour last night and walked almost 2.5 miles. YEAH!! I was really surprised that I wasn't tired. I talked to my Momma. She offered to move in with my Sis so that I would be free to move. I'm still not sure what exactly I can afford. Not much. I'm gonna check on Section 8. I don't want to do that, but I have to do what I have to do for my kids. They deserve better than what I can give them right now.
Yesterday, Princess (my oldest one) started being tested for SCOPE (the gifted program). I am so proud of her!! She works so hard. I told her that it didn't matter if they picked her or not....that she should be proud that she was picked to be tested. She deserves it bc she is always doing something...reading, writing, math...you get the point. She loves to read. She was student of the month on Tues (again) and she got to come to work with me afterward. She sat and read for almost 2 1/2 hours bc she is earning a ticket to Six Flags through school.
Another thing that happened yesterday.....Man (my son) came home with a note from the Principal. He was in the bathroom and, for no apparent reason, called a kindergartener a "nigger" and flicked him off. He denied flicking him off bc he used his ring finger (which is probable). I was shocked!! I am NOT racist in any way, shape, or form! My nephew is mixed and I love him like I love my own kids. It has always been a rule in my house that you don't use that word......no matter who you are. Everybody knows it. You can imagine how shocked I was when I asked him where he heard that word and he said "from Daddy and Pawpaw". I asked Man why he said that to the little boy and he said 'I don't know, Daddy and Pawpaw say it". I asked him what the little boy looked like, (I didnt want to just ask him if the boy was black), and he said the boy was blonde headed. Obviously, the little boy was white. That tells me that he's not lying....if he knew what it meant, he wouldn't have called a white boy that. When I confronted IT, he didn't seem to care, and got pissed bc I told him that was unacceptable speech to use in front of the kids. I told him that I don't want my kids exposed to that kind of hatred.
Yet another thing that happened yesterday is that IT got into it with his daddy (remember that my in-laws lived in a camper outside my back door). Princess said that they were screaming at each other and fighting about the camper....IT was screaming "motherfucker" (she asked special permission to tell me what he said). I waited for the kids to go to bed before I asked him about it bc I don't like fighting in front of the kids. He got pissed and told me it was none of my fucking business. His daddy does drugs. My rule is "NO drugs in my house or anywhere near me or my kids". Everybody knows that! IT knows that if I catch his daddy doing it at my house or doing it and coming back to my house that I will kick him out on the spot if I had to call the cops myself to make them leave. I asked him if his daddy was doing it and he said no. I asked if he would tell me if he was and he said no. He told me that them fighting and whether or not his daddy was smoking or not was none of my fucking business. I told him it was my business bc those were my kids and I didn't want them exposed to the fighting and I better not find out that they were exposed to drugs. Yet another reason for me to leave.....ASAP!!!
AJ
Yesterday, Princess (my oldest one) started being tested for SCOPE (the gifted program). I am so proud of her!! She works so hard. I told her that it didn't matter if they picked her or not....that she should be proud that she was picked to be tested. She deserves it bc she is always doing something...reading, writing, math...you get the point. She loves to read. She was student of the month on Tues (again) and she got to come to work with me afterward. She sat and read for almost 2 1/2 hours bc she is earning a ticket to Six Flags through school.
Another thing that happened yesterday.....Man (my son) came home with a note from the Principal. He was in the bathroom and, for no apparent reason, called a kindergartener a "nigger" and flicked him off. He denied flicking him off bc he used his ring finger (which is probable). I was shocked!! I am NOT racist in any way, shape, or form! My nephew is mixed and I love him like I love my own kids. It has always been a rule in my house that you don't use that word......no matter who you are. Everybody knows it. You can imagine how shocked I was when I asked him where he heard that word and he said "from Daddy and Pawpaw". I asked Man why he said that to the little boy and he said 'I don't know, Daddy and Pawpaw say it". I asked him what the little boy looked like, (I didnt want to just ask him if the boy was black), and he said the boy was blonde headed. Obviously, the little boy was white. That tells me that he's not lying....if he knew what it meant, he wouldn't have called a white boy that. When I confronted IT, he didn't seem to care, and got pissed bc I told him that was unacceptable speech to use in front of the kids. I told him that I don't want my kids exposed to that kind of hatred.
Yet another thing that happened yesterday is that IT got into it with his daddy (remember that my in-laws lived in a camper outside my back door). Princess said that they were screaming at each other and fighting about the camper....IT was screaming "motherfucker" (she asked special permission to tell me what he said). I waited for the kids to go to bed before I asked him about it bc I don't like fighting in front of the kids. He got pissed and told me it was none of my fucking business. His daddy does drugs. My rule is "NO drugs in my house or anywhere near me or my kids". Everybody knows that! IT knows that if I catch his daddy doing it at my house or doing it and coming back to my house that I will kick him out on the spot if I had to call the cops myself to make them leave. I asked him if his daddy was doing it and he said no. I asked if he would tell me if he was and he said no. He told me that them fighting and whether or not his daddy was smoking or not was none of my fucking business. I told him it was my business bc those were my kids and I didn't want them exposed to the fighting and I better not find out that they were exposed to drugs. Yet another reason for me to leave.....ASAP!!!
AJ
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
I added a link!
I finally added one of my oldest and dearest "real life" friends on here. We have known each other since 8th grade. She's my "soul sister". You should really check out her page.....assuming she posts something new....soon.
I stepped on the scale this morning.....I know I shouldn't have. I only want to weigh myself once a week......but.......I have lost!!!YEAH!!!! I'm not getting too excited yet, I will be really excited when I weigh myself on Monday morning. I still need to take 'before' pics and take my measurements. NO, I will not be putting the pics on here, but I will post my measurements. That way, I know I won't quit bc the world will have access to my measurements (scream!!). I feel better and I have more energy bc I'm not eating all the junk and I'm not stuffing myself. The only time I have a hard time is when I'm at work at the buffet and we are slow bc I am standing there looking at all this wonderful food and smelling the smells from the kitchen. I just need to make sure that I always have snacks available so that I don't eat anything bad. I have plenty of motivation, so I have faith in myself that I won't quit.
Ok, moving on.... I think I'm gonna see if I can leave IT at tax time or shortly thereafter. My sis said that my Momma could come life with her if I leave IT. I have to see what I can afford on my budget and see where the lines are for the school zone. I do not want to move the kids to another school. They are gonna have a hard enough time without adding to it. More later, I'm at work and I have a TON to do.
AJ
I stepped on the scale this morning.....I know I shouldn't have. I only want to weigh myself once a week......but.......I have lost!!!YEAH!!!! I'm not getting too excited yet, I will be really excited when I weigh myself on Monday morning. I still need to take 'before' pics and take my measurements. NO, I will not be putting the pics on here, but I will post my measurements. That way, I know I won't quit bc the world will have access to my measurements (scream!!). I feel better and I have more energy bc I'm not eating all the junk and I'm not stuffing myself. The only time I have a hard time is when I'm at work at the buffet and we are slow bc I am standing there looking at all this wonderful food and smelling the smells from the kitchen. I just need to make sure that I always have snacks available so that I don't eat anything bad. I have plenty of motivation, so I have faith in myself that I won't quit.
Ok, moving on.... I think I'm gonna see if I can leave IT at tax time or shortly thereafter. My sis said that my Momma could come life with her if I leave IT. I have to see what I can afford on my budget and see where the lines are for the school zone. I do not want to move the kids to another school. They are gonna have a hard enough time without adding to it. More later, I'm at work and I have a TON to do.
AJ
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Weight Watchers
I forgot to tell you that I started WW on Monday. IT let the kids and their friends go in the garage and lose my WW calculator, but I am winging it for now. My aunt said that she would let me have hers on Wednesday (tomorrow). (DEEEEEEP BREATH)..............I had a starting weight of 201.4 lbs and I am 5 ft 2.5 in. WOW..........that was hard to say! I am going to try to take my starting measurements tonight....we'll see if that happens. IT was supposed to take "before" pics last night, instead he picked a huge fight and was barely speaking to me...at least that part was good. Ok, enough for today. I will try to post tomorrow.
AJ
AJ
Good days and bad ones....today is a bad one.
I am very down and out today. Nothing specific, I am just done. Done with everything. I am so ready to be by myself, even if I have to be the one to move. I would rather live in a 2 bedroom apt with the kids by myself than to live in a 4 bedroom house with him. I would rather keep the house, but I want out more than I want the house.
I keep dreaming about HIM. I know that my chance with him is through, but I still think of him. I still love him. I saw him at Wal-Mart on the day before Christmas eve and my heart skipped a beat. I was a chicken and I ran the other way....but, for a split second.....I couldn't breathe. It's pathetic.....after 8 years, he still takes my breath away. I want to look him up after my divorce. I just want to see how he's been. I don't know if he ever got married, or if he ever had any kids......I think he would have made a wonderful dad...he was so good with his nephew... I don't have any fantasies....ok maybe in my fantasies.....but, I know that in reality, there is no chance of us getting back together....but, I still can't get him out of my mind. I might not even like the person he's become if I met him now, but I still can't get him out of my mind. He's under my skin.....
My life is pathetic...the only good things in my life are my kids and family.....well, the family is good some of the time....lol. I have 4 "best friends"......one moved to SC on me, I haven't seen her in years...another one I have known since I was in the 8th grade.....I am one of her good friends, but not her best......she will even tell you that she has a best friend who is not me, it's my own fault.....all those years ago when IT told me that I couldn't be friends with anyone and couldnt' talk to anyone......I listened......another lived across the street, she moved and I've only talked to her a few times....she quit calling me or answering my calls........the other is my boss, we used to be really close and now I'm just an employee....definitely not the first person that she would call anymore in the case of an emergency... IT can be blamed for that one....he worked for them first and he screwed them over...obviously, now we don't hang out anymore...Basically, I feel like I am all alone........OK, it's just me wallowing in self pity...I'm done now.
Deep breath......Breathe....Breathe......OK, I feel better.
AJ
I keep dreaming about HIM. I know that my chance with him is through, but I still think of him. I still love him. I saw him at Wal-Mart on the day before Christmas eve and my heart skipped a beat. I was a chicken and I ran the other way....but, for a split second.....I couldn't breathe. It's pathetic.....after 8 years, he still takes my breath away. I want to look him up after my divorce. I just want to see how he's been. I don't know if he ever got married, or if he ever had any kids......I think he would have made a wonderful dad...he was so good with his nephew... I don't have any fantasies....ok maybe in my fantasies.....but, I know that in reality, there is no chance of us getting back together....but, I still can't get him out of my mind. I might not even like the person he's become if I met him now, but I still can't get him out of my mind. He's under my skin.....
My life is pathetic...the only good things in my life are my kids and family.....well, the family is good some of the time....lol. I have 4 "best friends"......one moved to SC on me, I haven't seen her in years...another one I have known since I was in the 8th grade.....I am one of her good friends, but not her best......she will even tell you that she has a best friend who is not me, it's my own fault.....all those years ago when IT told me that I couldn't be friends with anyone and couldnt' talk to anyone......I listened......another lived across the street, she moved and I've only talked to her a few times....she quit calling me or answering my calls........the other is my boss, we used to be really close and now I'm just an employee....definitely not the first person that she would call anymore in the case of an emergency... IT can be blamed for that one....he worked for them first and he screwed them over...obviously, now we don't hang out anymore...Basically, I feel like I am all alone........OK, it's just me wallowing in self pity...I'm done now.
Deep breath......Breathe....Breathe......OK, I feel better.
AJ
Monday, January 14, 2008
Coming clean....
Ok.....deep breath!!!............I am soooo done with my marriage. I want a divorce!!! I can't stand to even look at IT anymore. I have been in love with someone else since before I ever married him. I don't regret not following my heart bc I wouldn't have my babies if I had, but it's time to stop pretending to the world that everything is ok. (I truly feel that I've gotten the best 3 things out of IT that I possibly could). No, I'm not a Ho and I haven't been cheating...it started way before we ever got married. He was my best friend. It sounds kind of juvenile, but he won my heart one night when he bought me some Nyquil bc I was sick and he said he couldn't stand to see me sick. It sounds corny, but it was really sweet. He used to come up behind me and nuzzle my neck and tell me that I was beautiful....or he would be staring at me and I would ask what and he would say that I was beautiful. No one has ever paid me that much attention or made me feel that special. That's not it, that's just all I can say on here right now. I truly feel like he was my soul mate. I have been in love with him since I was 16 and he was my best friend before that. No, I don't think that I"m gonna divorce IT and get back with him, but I owe it to myself to get away from IT. I deserve what I had with "him", not what I have with IT.
AJ
AJ
Thursday, January 10, 2008
I'm soooooo stressed!!
OMG!!! I am so stressed! Let me tell you.......I got into it with my Momma earlier. She is still pissed off about the cat litter box being moved and me moving her cat bowls. She is also saying that someone stole $30.00 from her room. I would like to say that I don't know anyone that would do that.......but, the truth is I can't say that. I can say that I don't think that anyone I kno is stupid enough to steal from my house. She is pissed bc she says that I don't care....the truth is that I do care, I just can't do anything about it. She has no proof that it was stolen. She may have misplaced it for all I know. I can't go around accusing people of stealing with no proof.
She is asking me if I want her to move and I have told her that I don't, but I think she will move soon. Probably in with my sister. Even if I dont' agree with her all the time, I still love her. She's my momma.
IT is an idiot! He has moved his dang Momma and Daddy into a camper outside my back door....or they will be this weekend. He knows how I feel about his parents living with us after what happened last time....Long story short...it ended with his Momma slapping me (in front of my kids) and me telling her to get the hell out of my house. He took her side....he thought that I was wrong for wanting her to leave. She is a liar and she is manipulative. She can't stand someone else being the center of attention....she is also a hypochondriac.
The point is that I am miserable! IT says that he's not working nights and weekends...maybe nights, but absolutely no weekends. But, it's ok for me to work days, nights, and weekends. When I am rid of him, I don't even want another man. He has ruined me for other men. I would rather be by myself. It's not like sex is important to me anyway....I couldn't tell you the last time I has a big "O". He could care less...as long as he gets his. I'm not saying that I think that all men are like that...I would just rather not take the time to find out.
I am more determined than ever to start my weight watchers back. When I finally get a divorce, I want to be skinnier. Not so that I can find another man, but so that I can be healthier for my kids. I know that he loves our kids, but let's be honest. When it comes to their future, I'm all they've got. I owe it to them to take better care of myself and to get through school....somehow. It will probably take me 10 more years, but at least I will be able to tell my kids that I didn't quit.
I am so depressed right now. I hate myself. I can't even bring myself to put on my makeup....I figure...what's the point? I have to wear my glasses....which make me look really bad....and I am fat....really fat. And, that is my fault. I know that and I accept responsibility for it. I lost 20 lbs when I was on weight watchers and I felt the best I have felt about myself in a really long time....then I went off of it and started eating choc chip cookies and milk for supper.....(I eat when I'm depressed)....I am really disappointed in myself for that and I am determined to start again. I watched "How to look good naked with Carson Kressley" and I can't imagine myself being confident in my body the way it is now. I would give anything to go on Extreme Makeover....I would get plastic surgery tomorrow if I could.
Enough whining for now.....
AJ
She is asking me if I want her to move and I have told her that I don't, but I think she will move soon. Probably in with my sister. Even if I dont' agree with her all the time, I still love her. She's my momma.
IT is an idiot! He has moved his dang Momma and Daddy into a camper outside my back door....or they will be this weekend. He knows how I feel about his parents living with us after what happened last time....Long story short...it ended with his Momma slapping me (in front of my kids) and me telling her to get the hell out of my house. He took her side....he thought that I was wrong for wanting her to leave. She is a liar and she is manipulative. She can't stand someone else being the center of attention....she is also a hypochondriac.
The point is that I am miserable! IT says that he's not working nights and weekends...maybe nights, but absolutely no weekends. But, it's ok for me to work days, nights, and weekends. When I am rid of him, I don't even want another man. He has ruined me for other men. I would rather be by myself. It's not like sex is important to me anyway....I couldn't tell you the last time I has a big "O". He could care less...as long as he gets his. I'm not saying that I think that all men are like that...I would just rather not take the time to find out.
I am more determined than ever to start my weight watchers back. When I finally get a divorce, I want to be skinnier. Not so that I can find another man, but so that I can be healthier for my kids. I know that he loves our kids, but let's be honest. When it comes to their future, I'm all they've got. I owe it to them to take better care of myself and to get through school....somehow. It will probably take me 10 more years, but at least I will be able to tell my kids that I didn't quit.
I am so depressed right now. I hate myself. I can't even bring myself to put on my makeup....I figure...what's the point? I have to wear my glasses....which make me look really bad....and I am fat....really fat. And, that is my fault. I know that and I accept responsibility for it. I lost 20 lbs when I was on weight watchers and I felt the best I have felt about myself in a really long time....then I went off of it and started eating choc chip cookies and milk for supper.....(I eat when I'm depressed)....I am really disappointed in myself for that and I am determined to start again. I watched "How to look good naked with Carson Kressley" and I can't imagine myself being confident in my body the way it is now. I would give anything to go on Extreme Makeover....I would get plastic surgery tomorrow if I could.
Enough whining for now.....
AJ
Monday, January 7, 2008
Happy Flipping New Year!
My year is starting off really bad! I think I started WWIII with my Momma. I don't remember if I told you about her cats using my garage as a litter box and her not cleaning it up or not.....long story short, IT took the litter box out of the garage (he had a legit story....don't know if it's true or not) and he forgot to put it back. She realized it was gone and pitched an immortal fit about him disrespecting her by throwing it away. I showed her that he didn't throw it away and told her all she had to do was clean it and put it back. She refused. They started using my garage and she refused to clean it. It stayed like that for 3 weeks before I was able to clean it......2 jobs and being sick...... I cleaned it and even put her stuff in another box so that nothing happened to it.....me....always the peace maker... (it was a box of whatnots and I unwrapped them bc the paper was filthy). I moved a lot of stuff around and in the process of doing so, I moved her cats' food/water bowls and the liter box. She texted me while I was at work and pitched a hissy fit. She said it was disrespect for me to move her stuff. I told her it was disrespect for me to have cat pee and feces in my garage for 3 weeks and I had to clean it. She went on and on.
Just typing this I am bored. I'm sick of hearing it. She is being childish. IT and my Momma are both equally childish. They are also both lazy. When I asked her to move in, I thought it would make my life easier. It didn't. I thought I would have more help with some of the housework. I don't. Her idea of contributing to the household was to wash dishes once a week and cook once a week. She hasn't been doing that and when she does, she will wash dishes and then cook so that what she cooked in is left on the stove or counter.
I am sick of all the drama. I wish that I had ONE job that paid enough for me to pay the bills and take care of the kids by myself. Then, I wouldn't have to listen to any of it. I hate listening to it, but more than that, I hate that the kids are exposed to all that tension needlessly. Hopefully, 2008 will be way better than 2007, but now.....not so much.
Later,
AJ
Just typing this I am bored. I'm sick of hearing it. She is being childish. IT and my Momma are both equally childish. They are also both lazy. When I asked her to move in, I thought it would make my life easier. It didn't. I thought I would have more help with some of the housework. I don't. Her idea of contributing to the household was to wash dishes once a week and cook once a week. She hasn't been doing that and when she does, she will wash dishes and then cook so that what she cooked in is left on the stove or counter.
I am sick of all the drama. I wish that I had ONE job that paid enough for me to pay the bills and take care of the kids by myself. Then, I wouldn't have to listen to any of it. I hate listening to it, but more than that, I hate that the kids are exposed to all that tension needlessly. Hopefully, 2008 will be way better than 2007, but now.....not so much.
Later,
AJ
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